Our
Story
Jessie
and I started dating in December of 1998 and we got pregnant in April of 1999.
We were excited to start a family together even though we hadn’t been together
for very long. We moved out of the house we shared with our three friends and
into our own apartment. We started getting ready for a baby shower and were in
the process of setting up the nursery when we found out (at a routine Doctors
appointment) that our little boy had passed away. It was September 23rd.
I will never forget that day…The doctor told us that we could either induce the
delivery or we could wait to see if my body would go into labor naturally. Of
course I wanted to wait; I wanted to be pregnant with him longer. I was in
denial. The doctor told us that was fine, but I couldn’t go longer than two
weeks with the baby inside me. My body didn’t go in to labor, so I was induced.
On Tuesday October 5, 1999, with only my mom, grandma, grandpa, and Jessie in
the room, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. He had Jessie’s long
skinny fingers and my chubby nose. Physically he was perfect. Walking out of
that hospital with no baby was probably the most heartbreaking thing I’d ever
had to do. At a follow up appointment the doctor told us we shouldn’t get
pregnant again for a couple of years. So I went on birth control and we
attempted to go on with our lives, even though we were each missing a part of
our hearts.
On
June 22, 2002 Jessie made me the happiest woman ever by becoming my husband. We
decided that we’d waited almost three years and maybe we could finally start
trying for a family again. So I got off birth control and we tried for a few
months with no success. In April of 2007, I had gastric bypass surgery. I
thought this is a way for me to get healthy and maybe it will help us to get
pregnant. I will be able to chase our child around the playground and be around
for his or her graduation. My surgeon said they advise couples to wait a year
after surgery before getting pregnant. My heart sank a little; another year?!
We’d already been waiting for eight years!! In March of 2008 I started my job
at MSC. On my 3rd day the lady who was training me (who I now refer
to as my work mom) told me I was pale, my eyes were dilated and I was visibly
shaking. I told her I felt very sick and thought I was going to pass out. She
told me to sit on the floor while she went to get our supervisor. My supervisor
called Jessie to come get me and we went straight to the emergency room. We got
in to a room and after the examination they told us I had a tubal pregnancy and
that I was being taken to the OR. I was so scared, happy and devastated all at
the same time. I had truly come to believe we’d never get pregnant. But there
was a shred of hope in the midst of sadness. When I left the hospital they told
us that I had to go through at least two cycles before we could try to get
pregnant again. I thought great, more waiting. We took the necessary
precautions and in May we started trying again.
On
September 5, 2008 the Onderdonk family lost a loving husband, father, uncle and
an all-around wonderful man, Jessie’s dad. He loved his son and daughters so
very much and he always treated me as if I were his very own daughter. Jess
showed me in nine years of knowing him what being a real father means and I
know that he passed this knowledge onto Jessie. At the end of September I
started feeling sick again, similar to how I’d felt with the tubal pregnancy
only without the severe pain in my lower abdomen. Again my supervisor called
Jessie to come and get me and again we went to the emergency room. They did
blood tests and found out I was two weeks pregnant, but I was in the process of
miscarrying and there was nothing they could do to stop it. It was devastating
to find out you were pregnant in the same breath that you find out you’ve lost
it; it seemed so cruel. We went home that night heavy hearted but still
refusing to give up hope. In August 2010 we had our friends Sara, Mikel and
their son Evan living with us. I remember being late for my cycle so I took a
pregnancy test. I was so excited that it was positive!! It was so faint that I
ran to the other side of the house screaming for Sara to look at it. She got a
big grin on her face and said yes, it’s positive!! So I called the doctor the
next morning before I went in to work to make an appointment to be checked out,
reminding them of my history. I got to MSC and almost immediately after
starting to work I felt cramping in my abdomen. This time I skipped over
talking with my supervisor and went to straight to his boss crying my eyes out.
She knew my history so she had someone call Jessie to come and get me and off
we went to the emergency room. They took blood tests again and found out I was
about three to four weeks along, but yet again I was miscarrying and there was
nothing they could do for me. They sent us home that night and I knew all the
hope I had once had was gone. I couldn’t take any more lost pregnancies.
A
friend of mine told me about a fertility doctor she had tried and said had a
high success rate and was very nice, so I made an appointment with him. After
telling him our history he told us what he thought was happening. I love the
way he explained it. He said when a woman gets pregnant her body releases
progesterone right about the two to three week mark. The progesterone is what
sustains the pregnancy in the early weeks. Well the “worker” that was supposed
to release the progesterone in me was “out to lunch”. The doctor said he
must’ve ran to McDonald’s and forgot to do what he was supposed to do. He
suggested we go on chlomid (which stimulates the ovaries to produce more eggs)
and then on day 16 I was to take progesterone supplements. That was the most
economical, easiest place to start. After about four months and $800 later we
still weren’t pregnant so the doctor asked us if we wanted to take a more
aggressive approach. Of course we said yes! On top of the chlomid and
progesterone supplements we were going to do invitro-fertilization. We did that
(and for the first time in my life I had to give myself a shot in the stomach)
the first month at about $1200. It didn’t work. So here I’ve been on all these
hormones for about 5 months and I think I went through every emotion there is
in about a 15 minute time cycle all day: happy, sad, angry, depressed, giddy; lather,
rinse, repeat. I truly believe Jessie and my co-workers wanted to kill me at
times, especially when my friend Abbey caught me crying over the paper conveyor
one day at work because it kept getting stuck. We decided we’d do one more
round of IVF and if it wasn’t successful we’d go back to the cheaper route.
Insurance doesn’t cover invitro because they had deemed me infertile even
though my doctor hadn’t. The second round didn’t work either and I’d had enough
of the drugs. I told Jessie we’d just let things happen as they’re supposed to.
I had
it in the back of my mind that we should adopt the whole time we were doing the
fertility treatments but in my mind it was giving up on having a child and was
a last resort.
In
February 2012 we joined our church, The Vineyard. We absolutely love going
there. We’ve become closer to God and to each other. We have also learned that
yes, God has promised us a child or children, He just never specified how we’d
come to have these children. Then I got reconnected with my childhood best
friend Bethany and had the privilege of meeting her husband Ryan. We found out
they had been having trouble getting pregnant too and were in the process of
adopting. That was what finally opened my eyes to the possibility. Adopting
wasn’t a last resort; it was the answer to our prayers of becoming parents. We
also met Jeremy and his wife Michelle (I work with Jeremy who had just recently
started at MSC) and found out they have successfully adopted both domestic and
internationally. They are the ones who introduced us to Adoption Support Center
which is the agency we are using.
God
put it on Jessie’s heart about four years ago that we needed to be debt free.
He found Dave Ramsey and has totally become a “Dave nut” as I affectionately
call him. We have currently paid off a little more than half of the $40,000
worth of debt we started with and are continuing to chip away at the balance,
though not as fast as Jessie would like. When we started looking into adoption
we were floored at how much it was going to cost. We were hearing as much as
$40,000!! We kept thinking how are we going to do what God has called us to do
when it costs so much? We found on ASCs website that they do interest free
loans. We both thought “ok if we have to do that we will!” The avid Dave
listener that Jessie is he was listening to his show and heard a story about a
woman who wanted to get a loan to do IVF. Of course, Dave said no! She was
already in debt about $30,000. Dave said, “There is not one example in the
Bible of God calling someone to do something and then using debt as a tool to
accomplish it!” As Jessie was telling me this he started to cry and said this
is the answer from God that he needed. We can do this adoption without going
further into debt. That is why we are here today. We are going to do everything
in our power to raise money for our adoption. God has placed each one of you in
our lives for a reason. Together God, you, Jessie and I are going to find a
child who needs a family, a home and unconditional love. Everything every child
deserves to have. Children truly are a gift from God. Please hug and kiss your
children (whether they are young or all grown up) and remember what a wonderful
gift you have been given. Thank you all for helping us get closer to bringing our
gift home! We love you!!
https://www.facebook.com/OnderdonkAdoption
